Do Nothing

Is it possible? To do nothing and be ok with it? I find that when I do have a day with nothing planned and I do nothing, I feel terrible about myself. I beat myself up over all the things I should have gotten done but didn't. Then I try to talk myself out of the slump by telling myself it's ok to do nothing once and a while. Our bodies need rest. Our minds need a break. But why then do I feel so guilty?

This topic came up at breakfast this morning. My girlfriends and I were talking about days when we stay in bed late and lay around, that we feel worse instead of better. If our bodies need rest, then why don't we feel rejuvenated? I believe it all comes back to intention. A few weekends ago, there was a Sunday when my husband and kids were gone and I had the house to myself. I stayed up late the night before watching movies and then I slept in. When I woke up early, I had a headache so I took aspirin and went back to sleep. The next time I woke up, it was 12:30! 12:30 in the afternoon and I was just waking up. My whole plan for the day was to get up, go to church and then come home and clean. A thorough cleaning of the house while no one was around to counteract my progress like kids usually do. I wanted to crank the music and get shit done (GSD). "Like a boss!" A common phrase that my daughter and I use when we need to motivate ourselves to get a job done.

After waking up at 12:30, I still didn't feel like getting up, so I threw a movie in, made some coffee and cuddled in for a few more hours. "After this movie, I'll get up and GSD." After that movie was done, I did get out of bed and managed to get the dishes done and start laundry, but then it was back to relaxation mode when a bath and reading ensued. Then the guilt set in. "You had the entire day to clean this house, put Christmas decorations away, and get organized, but look at you... you're so lazy, you're worthless, you're.....etc." That evil little voice in my head that knows just the right things to say to make me miserable. I journaled to help myself come to terms with the day. How often do I have a day when I have the house to myself? No one around to make food for, to care for, to run around. Very rarely does this happen. So, you know what? I just told that little evil voice to sit down and shut up!

I still felt guilty the next day and confessed to a friend that I did nothing the day before and spent the majority of the day in bed. She put it in perspective for me. She said "Don't feel guilty. When you're on your death bed, you aren't going to think back on this day and think, gosh, I wish I would have spent that day cleaning." Bingo! That is so true! I won't even remember it or if I do, I'll think, that was a great day of doing nothing.

A few days later we had a snow day, and we were all home together in the morning which gave us the chance to get caught up and get the Christmas tree taken down. In the end, all the work gets done. Eventually. Now, had I gone into that lazy Sunday with the intention that it was going to be a lazy day and I was going to watch all my favorite movies while I actually had control of the remote for once, I would not have felt guilty one bit. I would have had the exact day I intended. It all comes back to intention. It's also important for me to let go of expectations. I say this all the time, but I need to let go of the "should be's" and "supposed to's." "I should be doing the dishes instead of sitting here reading my book." "The mom is supposed to be more organized than this." I need to let go of these expectations that I have put on myself and just let things be. My family is healthy and happy. My kids are well fed and well cared for. My husband and I love each other and have a great relationship. Is there room for improvement? Always. Do I need to get better about housework? Yes, but beating myself up about it to the point of misery isn't helping anyone! I also need to remember that this is a team effort. The cleaning and housework are not my full responsibility. We are a team, and as a team we need to get better about doing the daily pick up around here so the mess doesn't pile up.

Life is fun isn't it? A constant battle of finding balance. Trial and errors of what works for each person. I must say here that one of the ideas that came out of our discussion at breakfast this morning was that maybe a day of doing nothing isn't actually a day of doing nothing, but a day of doing exactly what you want to do and not worrying about what you should do. I love that advice. Get up and eat the breakfast that you want. Go for a walk and don't beat yourself up that it's not a run or a workout. You are moving your body. There are plenty of days that we do what we have to do. Work, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, paperwork, home improvement projects. Every once and a while, let the day be all the things you want to do rather than what you HAVE to or SHOULD do. Give yourself grace. And remember, everyone is doing the best they can with what they have. You are doing the best you can with what you have. No two lives are exactly the same. Do what works for you. And I'll do what work for me.

This weekend I had very few plans and even less expectations. The pressure is off and already I've accomplished 2 things: a girls breakfast at Early Bird (highly recommended) and a little article to you all! Success. And now for enjoying the weekend! And GSD!