Don't Be so Hard on Yourself

Do you want to know how many times I hear this phrase? How many times I say it to myself? And how many times I seem to forget it when I yet again overthink what I "should" be doing? Countless. Even right now as I sit here, I'm thinking, "Oh you should have changed the laundry before you sat down. How did you forget to make yourself tea after you boiled the water? Are you forgetting it's lifting day? Don't skip!" It's endless! What I "should" be doing versus what I am choosing to do right now. And right now I want to write because dammit, it's been too long.

Contentment: it's so elusive but yet so simple. Realizing all that I already have or in this case realizing all that I've already done. That's the secret for me. Give myself a break because chances are when I'm getting down on myself about what I "should" be doing, I've already done a full day's work. OR I haven't done anything all day and that's ok too because we all need a break. I'm a working mom with two children. There are going to be days when nothing gets done except hugs and kisses and maybe a meal or two and that's ok. I have to be ok with that. I have to realize it's not the end of the world. I have to let myself off the hook because tomorrow is a new day and a new chance to do all the "shoulds" of today.

Trust: easier said than done. Trust that the choices I've made for my actions of today were made for a reason and give the rest to God. On Easter this year we worshiped in the morning, and then we took our boat out. It was just the four of us. We didn't attend all the large family gatherings happening that day. We chose to spend the day with just our little family, on the water, fishing, and enjoying our favorite pastime. And you better believe this decision came with a lot of guilt. What we "should" have done that day versus what we actually did. Around and around in the my head the guilt and the shame and the regret. Around and around, back and forth, the inner dialogue went. I must note here that these feelings of guilt and shame were purely self-fabricated. Our families completely understood our desire to "take the day off," and I'm eternally grateful for that support. Even with their blessing, I still questioned our decision. I really did enjoy that day, despite the inner battle. And the fact of the matter is, once the decision was made, there was nothing to do or say to change it, so that should have been the end of it. I need to trust myself that when I make a decision that it is made for a reason. I need to give myself permission. Be where you are and give the rest to God. He knows the desires of my heart.

"Don't be so hard on yourself." There is nothing wrong with wanting to better myself and be the best version of myself that I can be. But there is something wrong with expecting more than what is possible. Perfection is not possible. Breathe, be in the moment. Trust yourself and trust the big man upstairs. All of these things are the thought process that I want to cultivate to replace the guilt, shame, regret thought process that seems to dominate way too often.

I look around and see all the "shoulds" of today- laundry to put away, a cluttered dresser top that needs organized, free weights on the floor begging to be used, but then I read the words that I have orchestrated here for myself. Read and re-read, again and again until it sinks in. Being down on myself about all the things that I didn't do won't make these things magically get done. It only takes away from the present moment and what I've currently decided for myself. So there may be a night when I decide to lay in bed and watch TV and that's ok, Or I may leave the house a mess to go to the zoo or the park with my kids. Or I may decide that a day on the boat is what my family needs at this moment despite what others are doing. And you know what, it's all ok because in the end, everything is ok and everything gets done. Everything in it's own time. The clothes will get washed, the dishes will get put away, the floor will get scrubbed. Relax. And maybe for good measure I'll say again, "Don't be so hard on yourself."

Thank you for continuing to follow us and read our work. It means more to us than you know!

~S